Since having no social networking sites to distract me, I find myself drawn to my blog more and more. I do a lot more reading as well (on my Kindle app on this laptop or the physical book I'm reading), and I do plenty of cooking and sleeping so I don't feel like blogging is that much of a time waster. I've got all my homework done for the week and most for the weekend is complete and so here I sit, snuggled in a quilt made by Ryan's mom, listening to Phoenix and writing this blog post while Ryan putters around on the internet, searching for new apps or StumblingUpon new things.
A little while ago, Ryan went to go check the mail. He came back damp (since it's spitting cold rain outside) and holding a package from my parents and a letter from my dear sister, Sarah. I immediately went to open the letter since she had told me she wrote me one and I was anxiously awaiting it. Upon opening it, I remembered her words saying that it was a letter full of word vomit. But despite her warnings, I went ahead and started to read.
And what I read were some of those beautiful and troubled words I've read in a long while. My heart went out to my sister, my friend, my kindred spirit who was seeking guidance through her life. As someone who was in roughly the same position a year ago, I have the deepest empathy. I won't go into details as to what is going on in her head, but it's nothing horrible like murder (though she's written fiction about it), just normal things concerning the future.
I will admit I am sitting right in the middle of my dream life: working on an amazing film major at BYU, married to the man of my dreams who makes me laugh, and I know exactly where I want to be in five years and how I'm going to get there. And then there's my amazing sister who doesn't know what the next year holds for her. I want nothing but the best things to happen to her and I wish I had the power to control her future for her. But I don't. We all have agency so that we may earn our privilege to spend eternity with our Father in Heaven. So it's up to her and her alone (with some good insight and advice from friends/family and the promptings of the Holy Ghost) to make the best choices for the future.
I keep thinking about what my sister, Elise, said about her experiences in Indiana. It wasn't necessarily a failure, but it led her to the path she's taking now. Much like dating, making wrong choices in men and women and career paths isn't wrong: it's a growing experience. There are people who do it right the first time around (Like me, marrying the only man I've ever loved), but there are others who try hard but it just doesn't work out. Thank goodness for the Atonement, right? There was a parable-like story in Brad Wilcox's book "The Continuous Atonement" that I loved that talked about the priests reciting the sacrament prayer and messing up. It's up to the bishop to catch those mistakes and let him know, if he doesn't know already. And he recites it again and again and AGAIN until he gets it correct. He doesn't go into the prayer with the thought "I'm going to mess it up on purpose!" No, he has the purest of intent. And that's how we are going through life. Unless we're trying to screw things up, we make decisions thinking that they're the best for us and our path.
So, Sarah, that's my public advice for you (I say public since we'll talk more intimately in the future). Whatever decision you make, make it prayerfully and you might not get an answer with "angels and trumpets"(like my sister Emily said when I asked her how to know if marriage is the right thing), but if you don't get any red flags I say that that's the best answer for you.
Sorry that this ended up so preach-y. But I suggest that you all listen to this song. I really want to use it in one of my short documentaries since, you'll notice, it has a kind of cinematic plot structure: there's the exposition, the inciting incident (where things start going crazy), the rising action (things keep building and get crazier), and the crisis (ultimate crazy moment where it's the biggest!), and the climax, when it starts to resolve. And the gorgeous ending bit would be the falling action where everything is new, a new normal. And, Sarah, this is how your life will play out in the near future. You're in the middle of the rising action right now, but your falling action will come and it will feel as good as this song.