Sunday, May 8, 2011

Nearing the End Here: 27-28

These two days kind of go hand in hand, so I guess I'll tell you that I "planned" on not posting yesterday until today. Yeeeeeah, lets just keep it at that and not that I was so busy with other things to post.

a picture of yourself and a family member
&
a picture of something you're afraid of

So this is a picture of me with my newly born nephew, Noah, in November 2007. He is three and a half now and is absolutely precious and adorable, growing each day and becoming such an amazing little person. I'm not afraid of him, no.

I think this appropriate to talk about motherhood and my fear of it on Mother's Day. I'm not necessarily scared of kids. I'm afraid that I won't be cut out for raising children. It's easy to babysit and serve in the nursery because at the end of the day, it's not your kid. But I guess that's also where I can't judge too harshly: if I don't babysit a kid effectively or do well in the nursery, it's because they aren't my kids. I have a feeling that I won't know if I'm a good mother until it happens. I can take classes, read books, but nothing really prepares you for the challenges and blessings that will come when you have your own child. But reading a couple of books won't hurt, right? I just think of my own mother, who had her first kid at 20 years of age and how she's been such an amazing influence for me. For the most part, all of her mothering is done and she can sit back and watch her handy work. I hope she's pleased with how I turned out. I was the last one, so she had tons of practice beforehand.

Now I'm rambling. I'm so glad that this challenge is almost done. And, boy, it's been a challenge.

2 comments:

Julina said...

I don't have kids, but I believe you're absolutely right - nothing prepares you for that reality (just like nothing really prepares you for lots of realities...) That's what makes it such a leap of faith (at least in our case(s)), right?

Also, I remember Emily once pointing out to me (I think it was her) that "Mom's never been the mother of a 30 year old" (this was a while ago, OK...) which struck me as one of those "duh / whoa" moments. Her hands on mothering is basically done, it's true, but she's never *really* done...we're all still learning this mother-dance as both of us enter each new age/stage of our lives...

And as the first guinea pig on whom she practiced before you came along... your welcome. :) Love ya, sis...

Jeanne, the mom and grandmom said...

oh, yah, being a mother never ends. I still worry about all of my kids even as adults. And, I still give them advice - don't I?