Friday, September 3, 2010

Pondering.

Like most of my other posts, this has been revised/erased/changed many times. In fact, I don't think I want to write about what I was originally going to write about. So nyeh.

I'm tired. My mind is tired, my body is tired, my emotions are tired. These past two weeks of moving, adjusting and schooling has really worn me out. Tonight, I was out with a few friends and they were really looking for a good time and seeking out parties. Sure, I wanted to join them and have fun, but something inside of me was protesting. Eventually, after a couple of hours, I just decided to listen to myself and call it quits.

More often than I'd like to admit, this voice is usually the voice of hermit-ness. Despite my somewhat outgoing nature, I really don't like being around people for an extended period of time. With the exception of one or two people. But if it's a group, meaning 3+, I start getting these thoughts of causing some ridiculous scene and shutting myself in some room so that people think I'm psycho and leave me alone. Rarely do I actually do this, but it still crosses my mind.

But tonight, it was different. I wanted to be around people. I really did. But I just...couldn't. I could tell my less-than-warm demeanor was dampening the mood and the idea of meeting new people and being politely pleasant was too much for me. I wanted familiarity, but unfortunately, the people around me wanted change. Wanted something new. And I do too. Just not tonight. Not now. I can't handle it. This is all so new already that I'm about to explode.

I've met so many people in the last two weeks, they're all a blur. There are a million Taylors, Bryces, Kaylas, Brighams, and Elizabeths, and I just can't keep them straight. And they're ALL. THE. SAME. They're nice, yes, but...ugh. I've yet to meet someone REALLY unique this semester. Granted, it is the beginning, but I don't have high hopes.

Except for one guy.

I guess I shouldn't count him out. But my acquaintance with him is still so fresh that bringing him up and talking about him in depth in this post would seem creepy. And over-eager. So I'll play it cool and hope that maybe this refreshing person will make more than one appearance in my life.

So this post really didn't have a point.

Except to vent.

and write.

And postpone an early bedtime, because going to bed early on a Friday night just seems a little lame. Especially in Provo.

I promise there will be something better tomorrow. Or in the near future. I should stop promising things.

Maybe I'll post about my butchered bangs. Maybe that's why I hate meeting new people right now. They probably see me as an "Amelie" impersonator, except not French and definitely not nearly as adorable.

Mmkay. I'm done.

2 comments:

Jeanne, the mom and grandmom said...

hmmmm you are an interesting combination of me and dad in this respect.

Fickle Cattle said...

Most blog posts don't have points. Hahaha. That makes them interesting I think. You write really well.

http://ficklecattle.blogspot.com/