My friend, Tim, is currently serving a mission in Chicago, Illinois, but is presently located in good ol' Wisconsin. I say this because instead of writing regular letters to each other, Tim has decided that he wants to write epistles and would like people to write epistles in return. So he is known as Timancum (a derivative of the Book of Mormon name, Tiancum), and I am known as Kishkirsti (the derivative of a known villain in the Book of Mormon, Kishkumen. I'm not a villain, exactly, but it's the most similar to my name...). Anyways, I've recieved two epistles and I'm going to type up the most recent one:
1st Timancum 3:1-10
1) And it came to pass that I, Timancum, son of Kenneth, did find free time in this twenty and sixth day of the seventh month of the second year of the reign of Obama, and have many joyous stories to share with his beloved sister in God, Kishkirsti.
2) Behold, I have been carried away in a van to the land of Beloit in the state of Wisconsin. yea, the Lord prevaileth much here. My companion is Elder Barker and he beith a large and mighty man in the Lord. He hath taught me many things regarding the salvation of souls, for behold the worth of souls is great in the sight of God.
3) Yea, it bringeth much joy unto my soul that the corn did not cause thee to sleep the great slumber in the early days of thine mortal life. For behold, the power of God worketh many miracles in the land of our inheritance.
(NOTE: I'm gonna skip some verses for personal reasons. It's nothing TOO personal, but it's something either only I will understand or it's really boring...)
5)And it came to pass that I, Timancum, did purchase a Nerf gun of exceedingly curious workmanship with my senine of silver. Behold it bringeth much fun and recreation to our great and spacious apartment. The lazer pointer worketh not for it hath no batteries, but they have proven useless in days gone by.
6) Yea verily, verily I say unto you that our mighty foes, the Jehovah's Witnessites worketh much fear into the hearts of men. Yea, many do fear and avoideth us for they know not the Mormons. Our newest tactic as we find those to teach us to include, 'Have no fear, for we are not of Jehovah's Witness. Be of good cheer, and listen to our words.' Now the tactic worketh rarely in these lands, but it doth relieve the people of the fear of the Jehovah's Witnessites.
7)Yea, pizza is most delicious to me and it delighteth my soul greatly. It competeth not with the Phillysalem Cheese Steak, but I have been raised with the knowledge sufficient to worketh them up from scratch. But behold, my heart doth sorrow much because of my static weight, for it changeth not according to my intake.
9) And before I do close mine epistle, I bid thee to further avoid corn, for it is easier to avoid corn than to resist it. Yea verily, verily I say unto you it is of little nourishment for the belly despite its alsum[sic] flavor. (NOTE: He didn't misspell Awesome by accident. He spells it that way because he finds it humorous. There's a longer back story, but getting into that would take forever. Anyways, I use it too from time to time since I find it funny...)
10)And now I, Timancum, do wish Kishkirsti a fond and short farewell until thine next epistle. Beith thou excellent to each other.
Elder Timancum Knight
Anyways, this won't be funny to anyone besides LDS folk. Sorry to you secular people that so happen to stumble upon my unfortunate blog. Join the church and you'll understand...or read the Book of Mormon! YEAH! (I had to try...right?)
I'm working on a good response and am getting better at writing epistles without too much thought. I'm also trying to incorporate some of the vocabulary in my speech to help me further. If I'm gonna be writing these for two years, I better start getting used to it.
P.S. Bangs are doing well. Thanks for asking.
P.P.S. I will eventually upload one of my short films to my blog...when I muster up the patience.