Friday, May 14, 2010

Explanation and Reassurance

Wow. Yesterday was...wow. I've decided against deleting the post. Mainly because it felt good to get it off my chest. And it's good for me to be open, even to a universe of strange people.

But I am doing okay. I thrive day by day and once I get my jobs (one of which I have, the other....eh, I'll get back to you) I'll have distractions and will be able to survive even better, if not completely heal. To quote the wonderful band The Decemberists, "The wanting comes in waves"...never have I understood that phrase from that rather depressing rock opera "The Hazards of Love" until now. Not that the wanting comes in waves that are too overpowering. I'm not one of those people who are constantly in need of companionship or someone in my life. I like my alone times and cherish the times that I have to myself. That was a particularly dark hour but it was also something that needed to be in the open. I have this issue when it comes to being reliant on others. But that's a whole 'nuther depressing post.

For now, I'm thriving. Slowly and surely, my friends are arriving in Columbia and my old support group that existed before going out to Utah is banding together and they will pull me through this dark time. Or they'll fail and I'll just crawl into a hole and will myself into becoming a mole person.

In all, fear not, my lovely and small group of readers. The wounds are still there, but they are healing and I'm not one to let them fester for too long. I can still put a smile on my face even when a wave hits me. I'll just run and grab an inner tube and ride the waves, enjoying what time I have in Columbia before I go out to Provo in the fall (I counted and it's 105 days. Yikes.)

Anyways, I don't really know what else to say but thanks for putting up with my hormonal posts. They tend to plague this blog more than I would like and it makes me wonder if I'm as strong as I like to think I am. Maybe not, but who needs singular strength with such an amazing group of people behind me?

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