Monday, December 28, 2009

"I'll be counting up my demons, yeah, hoping everything's not lost..."

I am home in Missouri for the time being. A measly two week break courtesy of BYU with my family before I start my second semester at the good ol' Y and really start focusing on my future. You'd think I would have the time of my life here at home with friends and familiar faces.  But this trip has proved, once again, that I cannot run away from my problems.  They manage to find me at the most inopportune times.
Don't get me wrong, I love my family, no matter how loud, opinionated, and offensive they get, and I can't imagine my life without them.  Unfortunately, though, I am the last of them to embark on the rough and bumpy journey that is REAL life and thus can't enjoy the small things quite as much as they can.  They take pleasure in a good conversation and good food.  I do too, for the most part, but I'm still adjusting to the constant nag of financial problems, the emotional stress of feeding yourself, and the looming fear of not knowing what the next day is going to bring.  They all assure me that they went through the same problems and pat me on the shoulder saying that it will be all right in the end.  And in the long run, it might be.  But for right now, I want to allow myself to panic with the real fear that I've managed to stave off for the sake of my sanity.
About a week ago, I was so set on my future. I had talked to the ROTC about the programs in the Air Force and Army and then enrolled in the Military Science 121 class that's the beginning Army class and also enrolled in a 6am MWF Physical Training class to get prepared for when I contract at the end of Winter '10 semester. But now I'm having second thoughts because I've come to realize that my contracting in the Military will effect a big part of my future: I won't need to work for money for the rest of college, I'll be gone for periods of time when I do basic training(if I do it...), I'll be doing Active Duty and so won't see my friends and family for long periods of time and, most importantly, it will influence my ultimate goal of wanting to get married and have a family. Being ROTC is an all-school commitment and about 3-4 years after you graduate. And since I'm doing Active Duty (or planning on it), I wouldn't want to settle down until after that commitment. And then there's the choice of what I'll do after that. Will I make military my career? Do I want to do that to my future family? I don't want to get married NOW, oh no. But it definitely limits the playing field. I don't know too many guys who wants to date a girl who's stronger than them.
All I can say now is that my future is so unclear and so dark right now that I find living in the present the only way to keep me going. Don't worry about anything until it's staring you in the face. Then take it on one step at a time.
Anyways, I'll be posting something more happy soon. This time of the year is really hard for me. But in a few months time, I'll probably be more optimistic since the dark cloud of insecurities will be mostly passed.

Friday, December 11, 2009

It's Beginning To Look A Lot Like Christmas

Indeed it is. Both outside and inside my apartment! Today we finished decorating for the final week we'll be at Wyview in the year of 2009 and I must say it looks pretty festive.  Both Justyna and myself feel really proud of our work. Not only did we decorate, but we rearranged our living room into a different style, and so far it's our favorite way! Here are some pictures to show you all the snow we've gotten and the decorations:

That's our Advent Calendar that's hanging in such a way that the moment you walk into our apartment you see it facing you. And then our tiny Christmas tree that is no longer on the wooden stand it was nailed to at first. This week, it fell off and now it leans against the wall and looks pathetic.  It was only $14 so I don't feel like I've wasted any money.

The first picture are the lights hanging in our living room above our windows. The room, now with lights and our little tree, is our Christmas room for the week we'll be living here until next semester. And then the last pictures are of the outside...sorta. The first one I thought was neat because I got the light to overexpose the picture, which is hard to do on my digital since it corrects all mistakes. And then that was a tree covered in ice that I noticed outside of the creamery while I was walking to the LDS Motion Picture Studio. It was awesome so I got a picture. Here are some more nature shots:

So the first one is of the view outside my window.  It was snowing really hard Monday and got a lot of shots outside my window.  The next is of my poor bike smothered in snow.  Most of the bikes were like this: abandoned because of the snow.  It's dangerous riding in snow! Especially snow turned into ice from all the feet trampling it.  Speaking of feet, the next picture is of my boots covered in snow. Lovely, huh? And then a view outside my front window of the spruce-y like thing outside of it. I love the look of snow on evergreens. BEAUTIFUL!

Anyways, that's my apartment. Outside and in. I have 8 days until I'm home for the Holidays and all classes are over.  All I need to do is survive finals. Wish me luck!

Friday, December 4, 2009

A Time of Reflection

How can someone go from feeling so good about life to completely down in the dumps?  For the first time today, I felt that I had my life under control.  I had done some really good flash card studying for my World Religions exam Monday and had completed my research paper as well as numerous other assignments this week and was looking at one more week of class, and then finals. This afternoon, I was sitting on my bed, watching Scrubs and eating cookie dough from a giant bowl and really enjoying my solitude as my roommate slumbered on the couch in our living room and the sun shown through my window that faces the lovely Y Mount.  Life finally was falling into place.  so I decided to take a nap and enjoy my time to myself.  I woke up, got on my laptop, checked my email, and saw the message sitting there. At first, I didn't have the guts to read it.  It was like looking at an audition sheet with all the cast on it during high school.  The question "Did I make it?" would flit through my thoughts like an annoying mosquito and I would tell myself not to get my hopes high while my heart would elate with the feelings of "yes, I got it. I have everything they're looking for."  The one time I was not disappointed at the cast list was for the Spring Musical when I was cast as Sister Miller, the role I ultimately wanted. Every other time was a bit of a let down, though at least I was in it, even if it was a minimal part.
Today, though, it was a job offer. I applied last week for a receptionist position at the Signature Card Office and had an interview the day after I applied. After a dilemma with my bike and waking up a friend with a car to drive me there, I had the interview and felt it went really well. They told me I would find out by the end of next (this) week if I got it or not, either way.  So I have been anxiously awaiting this day to see if I got the job.  I did everything in my power to get it: had a really good resume, had great connections with them, sent a thank you note, everything.  So when I clicked on the email to read it, it was with great disappointment that I saw someone else got the job.
At this point, I'm very much used to let down. I've applied for MANY jobs out here, and every single one, except BYU concessions (which is only a temporary and spaced out as far as money making opportunities), has let me down, telling me that I didn't qualify, they didn't need people, or not even responding at all.  But this one cut deep.  I felt really good about this and after sitting on top of this bubble of good feelings, it was burst at the prospect that, yet again, I would be facing a semester of barely scraping by on working concessions at basketball games that would be too far apart and too few to keep me well fed for too long.  The plans I had for getting certain things, like awesome gifts for friends and birthday presents for siblings, went down the drain.  I immediately texted Sarah, who wanted to know as soon as possible if I got the job or not, and told her it was okay, that there would be other jobs.  But since that time, which was around 6:00 tonight, I've been sitting here, at my computer, staving off those feeling of worthlessness by watching chick flicks on Netflix and wishing that I weren't alone on a Friday night. I called/texted everyone I knew to see their plans.  All busy. Every one of them.  Except me.  So I sat. Moped. Cried a few times. And then I started thinking about my life.
This time last year, I had so many plans. I was debating which school to attend: BYU or UMSL.  But even more, I was going to join the ROTC, preferably in the Air Force.  So, on a whim (but also because I've been watching Band of Brothers again recently), I looked up Air Force ROTC on the BYU website.  And the more I researched both Army and Air Force (I did Navy but thought against it), the more I felt compelled to do it.  This was something I always wanted to do.  I had more conviction about this at some point in my life than my current film major, which I'm still reconsidering.  I was going to do it because I felt I had a duty. Not to my country, heck no.  But my own father was in the Army, my grandfathers were both Army, and probably their fathers and so on and so forth.  I even know of ancestors in the Revolutionary War.  No one in my immediate family has joined and the only known relative that has, my cousin Ben, died while serving a mission in South America.  I feel like I have a duty, as a member of this generation in my family, to carry this tradition of servicemen and become a servicewoman.  I get scared, thinking about it.  The kind of scared that you feel when you're a child and you're faced with something you don't yet recognize, like a new animal, a new situation, a new development. I haven't yet decided if this is the path for me, but I'm keeping myself open-minded and optimistic.  It's something I've considered highly, especially tonight when I began researching the physical, mental, and health requirements.  I've got all the parts, its just do I have the courage.
So pray for me, folks.  These next few months are really emotional ones for me.  Winter gives me cabin fever to a certain extent and I'll be deciding, un-deciding, and doing rash things.  But never refrain from extending a friendly hand.  I'll be needing it.

P.S. Sorry for the double depressing post what with last weeks and now this one.  It's almost the holidays and I'm sick of Provo right now.

Thursday, November 26, 2009

Thanksgiving Blues

Not to put a downer on anyones mood, but this is the first time I've spent Thanksgiving away from my immediate family. I'm here, in Provo, UT awaiting my relatives to pick me up for their festivities and I'm listening to Carpenters Christmas music since that's a tradition in my home: listening to Carpenters while decorating the Christmas tree or eating Thanksgiving food, or really anytime during the holidays. I can hardly wait until I'm home for the Holidays, but I have a mountain of things to get over first (and I have to fly over some mountains as well...). I have an essay, research paper, test, dance review, film project, extra credit, and archaeology homework to accomplish before finals week. And then it's finals...oh boy. I hope I survive the next three weeks, because if I do, then I'll be home in Missouri with my family and friends and the familiarity that I sometimes miss so much I dream about the house and my former high school and about the pets I left.
But to lighten the mood, here is what I'm thankful for: being accepted to BYU, the friendships I have back in Missouri and the ones I'm making here in Utah, extended family, the gospel of Jesus Christ and my testimony, having a temple really close by, cheap food, the dollar theatre, my professors, the job I have at BYU concessions, my bike, my laptop, the phone calls I get from family and the letters and care-packages as well(THEY MEAN SO MUCH!), Netflix, my Harry Potter books, other mail and letters from friends, hulu (for TV shows, of course), my iTunes music, sleep, my memories of past holidays that make me laugh and smile, friends with cars, chocolate, family traditions, my roommates and Missouri friends out here, my quilt that I can curl up with, my tea kettle, toast, and, of course, the world.
So, as you can see, I am very thankful for many things. And especially since I'm as close to being broke than I've ever been (I literally have $24 in my account as we speak. That's it.) I appreciate things more than ever and the things that don't cost money like friendship and laughter and love. Or free samples (yum!). I love you all, I love being here (even though I'm moping about it), and I hope you all have a great Thanksgiving!

P.S. Next post will have pictures of some adventures I've had. And it will be more entertaining than this piece of depressing literature.

Friday, November 6, 2009

Now I know WHY I majored in what I majored

To those of you who do not know, I am trying to become a Media Arts Major at Brigham Young University. Media Arts entails movies, media, television, all that jazz. But I'm in the pre-studies major stage, as in I have to fill out an application that takes months to compile. Those in my major that are preparing to apply have been preparing since late September and they have to create a mini film or documentary to present to the board of directors on top of writing tons of papers and this long grueling process that 3 out of the 4 TA's for the class had to apply twice for. Yikes! I'm doing this next semester! But this week, since I didn't have any tests or anything really hard at all, I took advantage of my free Netflix month and instant play. So let me summarize what I've watched:

1. Unmistaken Child

This documentary was absolutely breath-taking. It was just released this year and tells the tale of the process of finding a reincarnated being in a Buddhist society. It follows a devoted disciple of a deceased lama as he tries to find the reincarnated being of his most revered and beloved leader, father figure, and friend. It describes the long process as well as the emotions that run through someone who is presented with such a daunting task. Surprisingly, it's less about the child and more about this devoted monk who spends day and night wandering the valleys of Tibet in search of this child. You laugh, cry, and learn to understand the finer points of a religion often overlooked. I loved every minute of it and was definitely changed after watching it. I think I also enjoyed it so much because I'm in a World Religions class and my professor constantly tells us that God works in all religions, it all depends on the hearts of the people. So out of 5 starts, I definitely give it 10!

2. Deliver Us From Evil

This documentary is definitely more serious and disturbing than "Unmistaken Child" and isn't about uplifting, but about informing the world. It follows the priest Oliver O'Grady as he goes from parish to parish molesting children and the bishop in his area turns a blind eye to it until he's faced with it in court and yet still denies he ever knew O'Grady was a pervert. O'Grady admits to his acts with an unnerving bluntness and all the while looking remorseful but not nearly enough that he should be feeling. And the testimonies of the children, now adults, is so haunting as tears well up in their eyes when they recount the events. And the parents are just as heart-breaking, since one family trusted O'Grady so much that they had him sleep over sometimes, at which points he'd sneak into their little girl's room and do what he does best, apparently. Anyways, it's not for the faint-hearted or easily upset since there are lots of testimonies in court that has O'Grady describing his acts with details, though they're never really too graphic, thank goodness. But it was really interesting commentary on the hierarchy of the Catholic church.

3. Strictly Ballroom

I haven't seen this movie is FOREVER, and being the Baz Luhrmann fanatic that I am, I felt that I should watch this movie again for the sake of being a proper fanatic. Also I love everything that has to do with dance as I've decided to minor in World Dance along with the automatic religion minor. This movie was absolutely charming and so cute as well as colorful and full of its weird nuances since that's just Baz's style. The chemistry between the two main characters is so tangible, you can't stop from falling in love with them as they fall in love with each other. If you're not usually a Baz Luhrmann fan, I suggest this movie since it's not in his usual style, which is weird seeing as it's the first in his "Red Curtain Series", which includes "Romeo+Juliet", and "Moulin Rouge!" But watch it! And love it!

So those are the movies, minus a few others like "Newsies" and "Moulin Rouge!", that I've seen recently, thanks to the time waster known as Netflix. I have "Capricorn One" coming today and "The Diving Bell and the Butterfly" coming saturday and then "Romeo+Juliet" sometime next week since I have to watch all of the "Red Curtain Series" to be able to really appreciate Baz. And in between those, I'll be watching intant play documentaries. Any recommendations? :)

Sunday, November 1, 2009

The Tale of the Orange Blob

No, it's not some lame "made for TV" sci-fi horror flick involving orange goo that attacks unsuspecting people or animals. It's actually mine and Justyna's first failed attempt at making Orange Rice Crispy Treats. Orange, because it was Halloween. Justyna called both her mom and her sister to get pointers on what would work the best as far as making them. Her sister, who has more experience in the matter, told us that microwaving the butter and marshmallows would work the best. So we put the marshmallows and butter in the bowl and microwaved it. More like nuked it. Our microwave is especially powerful and the time that the recipe called for was much to long for our super-microwave. Also, we used table margarine, which is softer than the real stuff and doesn't do what's necessary in baking. So, we put the dye into the liquid and stirred and hoped for it to thicken, like it said in the recipe. It never did. So we accepted defeat, went to the Creamery again and bought real margarine and more marshmallows and tried again, not using the microwave. It worked, but we forgot to dispose of the orange liquid.

That night, after all our partying and doing Halloween activities, I go to the kitchen to clean up the mess we made earlier. I get a spoon and take the bowl of orange stuff to the trashcan to scrape it into the trashcan. But it didn't move. It was stuck on the spoon. After pulling for a few minutes, it all came out in one piece and stuck to the spoon like putty or Flubber. I laugh, go to my room to show Justyna and we just snicker, poke it, taste it (tasted like marshmallow, go figure), and took pictures with it. It was such an amazing creation that we put it in a Ziploc bag and it's there sitting on our counter, being gooey and totally awesome!

So our catastrophe turned into one amazing little science experiment! So it goes to show that our mistakes can sometimes turn into something amazing if you wait long enough (yes, I had to make it into an allegory of some sort).

Saturday, October 31, 2009

Happy Halloween!

Wow, is it Halloween already? Have I really survived Utah For 3 months?! November is tomorrow and I don't know what to think. Because in three weeks it's Thanksgiving and four weeks after that is Christmas and the semester is over and I'm flying home for the measly 2 weeks that BYU considers a break. Really? 2 weeks? That's not enough time for us college kids to do all that we want to do after being away for so long. I think I'm going to make a chart of the time I have available during those twoweeks and people can sign up for that time.

So, what have I been doing this past month? Well, apart from midterms, absolutely nothing. I've gotten numerous care-packages from a lot of siblings and it's been amazing! Every time I see mail, or a package from back home, I do a little dance (not even kidding). Justyna, my roomie, gives me envious glares from across the room when I get such things, but she gets her fair share of mail and she's even had a friend visit from Minnesota for a weekend, which I haven't had the pleasure to have yet. Let me just post the "Best Of" pictures of the care-packages:

So, I'm very appreciative of all the care-packages and if I kept up with my blog I could've given each their own post since I went crazy with pictures every time and have some good ones with me with some of the objects. I'm very grateful for the food, stationary, entertainment (SCRUBS!), and music and also the hand sanitizers and tissues which help me avoid swine flu. These are definitely luxuries I can't afford myself since I'm a poor college student with a very volatile job that doesn't give me nearly enough money I need to support myself without aid. Thanks so much to everyone who has helped me along the way with phone calls, letters, packages, or even a little facebook message or comment that lets me know I'm not forgotten and abandoned in Utah with all these Mormons.

Love you all!

Wednesday, September 23, 2009

"You remind me of a babe..."

I'm following Sarah's lead of naming blog entries after song lyrics. And I felt this was appropriate since I reference David Bowie later on.

So, lets start out and say that class is going fine. Homework is still crazy ridiculous and I'm still not wanting to do it. Oh, and the game was HORRIBLE (lost 28-54) and working it was pretty fun and it felt good to make money after roughly 2 months of not doing so.

Anyways, I'm pretty sure I mentioned breaking my window on this blog. If not, well, I did. About three weeks ago. It was because of this monster bouncy ball that Justyna owns. If you don't believe me when I say "monster" take a look at this:It's HUGE. The size of a softball with the weight of a newborn baby (roughly 7ish pounds). It's a BEAST.
I was chatting with my friend on the phone and playing with this bouncy ball. The glitter inside is so much fun to shake around and the only way it moves is if you shake it and bounce it. So that's what I was doing. Bouncing the giant sparkle ball (I feel like David Bowie in Labyrinth every time I play with this ball!). And I bounce it particularly hard and it bounces once on the ground, bounces again and in slow motion I watch as it sails towards the front window in my apartment and know that it's gonna do something awful. And then the window SHATTERS. Literally shatters. I stop, tell my friend I did something stupid and hang up. It takes about ten minutes for it to sink in: I haven't even been living in the apartment a MONTH and I broke a window. The rest of the night was spent in complete despair. Here's the damage:

Yep. That's the damage. I only broke the first pane of glass and it didn't shatter through to the other side, as you can see. But I've never broken anything like this before. So it was really traumatizing for me! I called Juli and she kept me distracted for the most part and thankfully after that my friends came to the rescue and we watched a movie to get my mind off of things.

The window has since been replaced, and I don't know the cost. They didn't tell me. But that ball is the DEVIL. And I know now that it is capable of destroying lots of things and it should be banished. But it's not. It's sitting on my bed right now. Since I was playing with it. Guess I didn't really learn my lesson.

I was going to post about the two care-packages I got in the last week or so, but this is already lengthy and I should be reading up on US History for my 2.5 hour class tomorrow night (DEATH).

Friday, September 11, 2009

End of Week 2

Okay, so it's the end of my second week of school. This week is slightly more manageable than last week. I feel like I can grasp the homework load if I just manage my time accordingly. Of course, I have to read "The Jungle" in two weeks (25ish pages a day!) and also study in-depth every single religion east of the US and not to mention know the first half of the Book of Mormon like the back of my hand. But I finally have discovered that if I do all that needs to be done during the day, the nights are free for fun and games with my friends.

So, anyways, right now school isn't worrying me. It's my financial crisis, which has always been a perpetual fear since I came out here to Utah. But now it's even more apparent. I'm only working 2 football games this month and the Red Lobster interview I had last week was all for nothing: no open slots, so no job. I have to pay for food, a broken window, and housing by next month and I have no money to my name except a short-term loan I'm supposed to pay off by November and about $80 (not counting the money I'm expecting from my job as a concessions worker). I'm trying to have the optimistic and long-term views I had a few weeks ago about my situation, but it's slowly ebbing away as the need for money is starting to shove itself in my face.

I still have options: I haven't applied to places around Wyview like that Jamba Juice, Denny's, and there's a TGI Fridays pretty close. But since it's near Wyview, I have a feeling that they're already full. But it's worth a shot, especially since I'm out of options. I'm so out of options now that I'm even considering donating plasma and a kidney, and you all know how much I HATE needles. But if my situation is THAT desperate, I will do it, even if I take down a few nurses with me in the process.

The purpose of this post is not to ask for hand-outs. I'm a Lambson and we're too prideful to ask for such things (or at least, I am). I'm only asking for prayers, fastings, anything that you can do spiritually that will uplift me during this hard time. I know this isn't as hard as a lot of other things and that my situation could be worse as in I could be living on the streets or something like that, but it's still a burden to me that it's taking the joy out of my college experience. I wish I could say concessions will be enough. And maybe it will, maybe that's why I haven't gotten a job yet. The Lord is telling me through these rejections that working concessions will be just the work I need to live these next few months. But that isn't reason enough to stop looking and searching.

Well, sorry for a boring post again. I swear the next time I blog it will be slightly more interesting.

P.S. I totally saw JJ Haines from Vocal Point, the famous A Capella group at BYU, at the library. I would've said hi to him if he weren't studying and listening to his iPod whilst doing so. I giggled, though, after I was out of sight.He's the one next to Naomi, the girl in the brown shirt, making a pursed-lip face. Holy crap, he was my FAVORITE in the group, and totally adorable. The only difference from then (2007) and now is that he was wearing different clothes and looked very serious and studious. Oh man, I'm gonna love going to BYU.

Monday, September 7, 2009

School Days

Last week was my first week of college at good ol' Brigham Young University. My schedule is as follows:
Survey of World Religions: 9:00-10:15 am
Intro to Archaeology: 11:00-11:50 am
World Dance, Beginning: 5:00-6:40 pm

Creativity, Research, Visualization (C.R.V.): 9:00-10:50 am
Book of Mormon: 12:00-12:50 pm

Survey of World Religions: 9:00-10:15 am
Intro to Archaeology: 11:00-11:50 am

C.R.V.: 10:00-10:50 am
Book of Mormon: 12:00-12:50 pm
U.S. History since 1877: 5:00-7:30 pm

Intro to Archaeology: 11:00-11:50 am

And that's all folks! It's a pretty easy-ish schedule in the sense that the most classes I have for two days is 3 classes. But all of them are gonna be HARD. World Religions has 3 really big exams on the religion terms and how it compares and contrasts with the LDS faith. The professor even said it was hard. Archaeology is a lot of papers and reading and name-remembering but if I do all the work, according to the professor, I'll pass with an A. I just have to work hard. CRV is the class I need a B or better in to get into my major and by the looks of it, I have to write two papers every week and there's a final project at the end of the semester in which I pitch a movie idea and we execute it. And for Book of Mormon, I'm having to read the entire first half until Alma 29 in two weeks! And I was talking to a guy who had his class before and the tests are really hard and he got by barely with a B. And then my History class is a lot of reading and comprehension with lots of Blackboard quizzes and comprehensive papers and then a final project in which I write a paper about a 20th century movie made before the year 1990 that was iconic for their time and how it portrayed the controversies of the decade and how it changed America. Dance will be hard in the sense that I'll have to memorize dances and the style and what country it originated from.

So in all, it's gonna be an intense semester but I have a feeling that if I try hard, I'll be able to achieve good grades. If not, I'll transfer over to UM-SL and go with my original plan of majoring in creative writing with a minor in composition. Maybe. It's still in the air if I find my time at BYU isn't quite what I want it to be and I don't succeed. It's not that I'm pessimistic. I'm just preparing for the worst.

Friday, August 28, 2009

The Care Packages

Since I've been here, I've gotten two care-packages: one from my mom who sent it out with Mariah when she moved out here to Utah. And the other from my sister, Sarah, who was sending me out some of her DVDs anyways and decided to make it a bit more than just that.

Here are the highlights of my mom's package/tub:
Here are the highlights of Sarah's care package:

So that's about it. Half the chocolate is gone and I've watched one DVD since I got Sarah's care package yesterday. Mom's was very appreciated because it contained a lot of things that I need for the coming year.
I'm working on writing letters to various individuals and am very excited to correspond to individuals via snail mail. Anyone that wants to send things to me, please do! If you don't have my address, email me (If I know you, you know my email so I won't be posting it here).

Saturday, August 15, 2009

Finally! Somewhere permanent!

Today was the big move down Freedom Blvd. from the temporary apartment to the year-long dorm room at Wyview. Kamrie, Katie, and Nate (my cousins) all helped pack up the SUV and drive on down and unload in my dorm. As I've already seen from an earlier tour of Wyview, the dorm is really nice compared to the apartment I was living in. Just see for yourself:This is my room (the top bunk is where my roommate, Justyna, will be sleeping). My bed isn't as comfortable as the apartment bed, but it's longer and still pretty nice.This is my dresser top and it's already cluttered! I'll eventually sort through it and make it more aesthetically pleasing.My closet, which will be cluttered as long as I have as much clothes as I do. My violin is sitting on the top shelf.Check out the toilet. Since the dorm is meant for disabled people (yeah, I feel bad for taking a spot in this place from someone who deserves it more...) this bathroom has TONS of room and the toilet is slightly higher than most other toilets, which was quite disconcerting the first time I used it.
The sink/mirror and my clutter in the corner. I could easily take up ALL the room on the sink, but I decided to leave room for my roommates. Notice the metal bars, again, for disabled people.
This is part of the couch, the window(s) and my coat hanger, which didn't have room in my actual room. So it'll be sitting there until I get some input on where to put it.
This is the kitchen. Pretty basic, nothing too crazy or complicated. but it's definitely nicer than the University Villa apartment kitchen.
My fridge, littered with my pathetic food collection. Since this picture, I have gone shopping at the Creamery, which is a 2 minute walk from my dorm (not the MAIN creamery. It's a smaller version that also has a laundromat attached to it). The prices are a little ridiculous, but since I don't really want to worry about taking a bus to Wal-Mart, I might be doing most of my shopping at the Creamery, and all my supplies at BYU Bookstore.This is my only magnet on my fridge right now, courtesy of Beckie. This is sorta my motto right now, since I really don't want to be bold. It took a lot to get out of my bed after my nap, get on my bike, and go to the BYU Bookstore to buy an ethernet cable (best purchase ever! This internet is FAST!). But since leaving, it's really nice to know that I have a friend back at the Villa, my roommate for two weeks, Vanessa. I hope that these next two weeks before school starts we can hang out some more and then enjoy attending Dance together (we have the same dance class).

so this is the small tour of my dorm. I actually took a MILLION pictures but some were of really silly things, like my cupboards, a close up of the desk area, more of the sofa (which is a wrap-around, which I didn't show you), and of the boxes that lay collapsed and vacant.

It feels good to be here. In fact, since unpacking, it feels like I've always been here. There's nothing weird about it. Maybe that's because of the fact that I'm used to being nomadic or because I'm numb to everything nowadays, or maybe it's just the Spirit filling me with comfort that it will be alright, even if, financially, it doesn't feel okay. My financial situation is like a storm, looming in the background. It isn't in my face just yet but the need to prepare for the storm is very crucial for my survival. But I feel at peace now, watching those storm clouds, because I know that I won't be alone. I won't be abandoned and left for dead. I have friends, I have family, and I have my Father in Heaven to help me through this. And I will survive.

Tuesday, August 11, 2009

The Invasion of the Future Tenants

Okay, so I know I've been complaining about loneliness in this old apartment for the past week, but I wasn't prepared for this much company in response.
Be careful what you wish for, I guess.

Ever since yesterday, I have had people coming in and out of my apartment. First, they were shy and apprehensive about intruding on my lifestyle. But the more I was kind to them, the more they decided to take advantage of my kindness and my willingness for them to bring their stuff in and get an idea for the place. As I type this, there are probably 7 people in my living room, making noises, walking around and laughing obnoxiously. I have just finished Moulin Rouge! about fifteen minutes ago and was thinking about going to bed. But no. They've decided to come in after a crazy game of ultimate frisbee, stinking up the place and checking it out, including coming down those stairs to my living area and poking their heads around, looking at my stuff, moving my things(!) and not even caring I'm here.

Now, I was okay when it was just the girls living here. But since they've already seen it, they've decided to invite everyone they know to check it out. They're bringing GUESTS into a place that isn't theirs yet! Hello?! I'm living here, okay? So what if you're going to live here soon, I could care less. I am living here. NOW. At this moment. And you all are invading my privacy.

Sorry, this is more of a rant than anything. You all can ignore it, but it's the only thing that's keeping me from wanting to go up there and go all Quentin Tarantino on them and take my tennis racket, ram it up their noses, bust open their heads and watch with grim satisfaction as their brains spill across the floor. Of course, I'd be responsible for cleaning the apartment of their brains but it's a small price to pay to regain the peace and quiet lifestyle I had before they decided to bring everyone in Provo into this tiny, thin-walled apartment. And I'd probably be kicked out of BYU for disobeying the "Thou Shalt Not Kill" commandment. Again, small price to pay. I think my case would be understood in court. I would get the sympathy of the jury.

Tomorrow, this post might even be deleted. I'll be sure to post with something more worth your time.

Thank goodness for my late sleeping habits. If I had an early day at work, I would be less merciful and would run up those stairs with my violin case in my hands, ready to knock some obnoxious people down. *deep breaths* I'll try and calm down. Really. I will. But if you see my face headlining all the major newspapers, just know it was for a good cause.

Wednesday, August 5, 2009

The Apartment until the 15th

So I took some pictures of my rooming area (I'll save the upstairs for another time to create anticipation). It's not much, but I felt you guys would want to know what I'm living in:
This is the corner of my area, right by the staircase that leads down to my room. As you can see, boxes and random stuff clutter that area. And my tennis rackets, of course.This is the closet, or as I like to call it, the junk room (I've never actually called it that, I just wanted to jazz it up...yeah, I know, fail). My clothes, other boxes, dirty clothes and other things litter this area. Can you spot the guitar in all the mess? (and for what it's worth, my violin is on the top rack, which isn't pictured).
My bed, which I didn't bother making this morning. I did yesterday, honest! I just didn't feel like it today. But yeah, it's a comfy bed, snuggled in the corner, there. Notice the dresser that I don't use.So, this is the pile of stuff by my bed. Harry Potter, PPZ as me and Sarah like to call it (Pride and Prejudice and Zombies), David Sedaris, Major Dick Winter's autobiography on WWII called Beyond Band of Brothers, and my journal underneath that. Laptop bag and scriptures in the mix, sorta hiding next to Harry.My desk area. Laptop, Arrested Development Season 2, Psych season 2, Lotion (a MUST), paper, pen for note taking when calling financial aid (grrrrr). Yep. This is where I've spent most of my time, sadly. I've watched two movies, Wimbledon my first night and The Island the second night and those two amazing TV shows in between.

I'll give more later, such as bathroom, upstairs, kitchen, and the creepy crawl space down here (I have no idea why this cupboard is here!). Anyways, here's the humble abode.