Sunday, June 29, 2008

The Creepy Dream on the Night of June 1, 2008

Alright, so this is a dream that I had at the beginning of June and it was really disturbing to me. I'll go ahead and rewrite the journal entry I made the moment I woke from the dream at 1:00 in the morning(keep in mind, a lot of the sentencing is very incoherent since I began writing the MOMENT I woke up):
I first walked into a very fancy theatre, in England, and the first vivid detail was [me] standing there, waiting for the british guard to take their positions at the exits[it was a tradition of the theatre to play a march while they did this]. I was standing there with a bunch of girls, all chatting excitedly. We then take our seats and then I notice a blood curdling scream and a few girls rushing outside[into the hallway]. I look around and the only ones who've noticed were the girls[I was with]. I don't seem surprised, only scared. I move down to the front row of the theatre and sit next to a girl I know and tell her the musical was good(it had started). A lady taps me on the shoulder, I turn, and she tells me[in a thick cockney accent] a woman has been stabbed to death along with her baby. I rush to my mom[who miraculously turns up] and tell her and my dad[what happened], and they're sad but go to sit in their seats which aren't next to each other[what I didn't write that night was that I could see every one of my siblings, all in different parts of the theatre]. The musical continues but many people have left and I sit by my mom, terrified to be alone. I whisper to her asking if the police were here. She said yes[relief washed over me at that instant]. I thought for a sec, looked around and whispered[to her again], "What if I'm next?"
Okay, so I should specify where I was actually in the theatre when I was sitting with my mom. We were on the balcony(I was always there), and we were midway up and(if you were looking down onto the stage) on the left side. The strange thing was that where we were sitting was at a spot where one side of the section was filled with people and the other was empty of people. Mom was sitting on the edge of the full half and I was on the edge of the empty half. Follow me? Anyways, when I asked her if there were policemen and she said yes, I was relieved. And then I saw a shadow pass the exit that was almost directly to my right. The hall light was on and the exit door was open and there was a shadow as if someone walked passed the door. And thats when I asked "What if I'm next?"

So that is the dream, and you can understand WHY it was very disturbing to me. How can my mind create something so realistic and graphic? It kind of scares me sometimes that my mind has these emotions and images bottled up in my subconscious. If Sigmund Freud analyzed my mind at this very moment, he'd call me a sociopath! Okay, maybe NOT that far. But he'd diagnose me some happy pills or something.

I told dad the dream the next morning over breakfast and he had a good explanation as to why all my siblings were all over the place. For one, in the past week I'd had 2 of my sisters leave on the same day to different locations on the planet. Not to mention my siblings in Indiana, my sister in St.Louis, and my brother off in his own, new married life. The only people that I can make physical contact with on a daily basis are my parents, and not even my dad sometimes because of work and being a bishop and all. So the reason why I can communicate openly with mom is because in real life, she is RIGHT there, literally. And its interesting where all the siblings are placed.

Keep in mind, me and mom are on the balcony, far left:

Juli-very front of the balcony, far right.
Elise-next to her, on her left.
Emily(without Joe and Noah)-in the middle of the balcony section. Exact middle. Middle section, halfway up.
Beckie-I am aware of her position, though she is not visible: she is on the floor, in the back, so underneath the balcony.
Steven(without Tamara)-Very front of the left section
Sarah-On the floor, but visible. She's near the front, maybe 5 rows back. But I can see her.
Me and mom- Middle of the left section
Dad-In the VERY back of the middle section, falling asleep, though sort of awake during this.

So this is very accurate to real life. Juli and Elise are relatively close together, though too far for me to talk directly to them. Emily is closer, though not as close as Steven is(don't know why their families aren't included. Maybe because I'm thinking of them as themselves, not with their spouses and children). And then Beckie is completely out of sight because she's not even in the same country as I am. But I know how to reach her if necessary. Sarah is on the floor but I can see her, representing her distance from me physically but she's still in the country, making her visible and more attainable. And then dad, who would logically be near me and mom but isn't. Dad thinks that that representation is more an emotional level than physical, though physical is a factor. He is gone all the time for church and work, and emotionally he isn't as "in the know" as mom is. And maybe because he is a bishop makes me think he's at a higher spiritual level and doesn't worry about the things in the world. I don't know. He's the anomaly.

But the woman being murdered? Stabbed to death? And her baby? Obviously, this isn't the focal point of the dream, but it still unnerves me. Maybe thats the one thing that scares me: not being in control. Knowing that things have to play out(which was represented by my not being surprised to hear of her death) but still being frightened of them playing out. And maybe not wanting the inevitable to happen to me. Maybe I feel like my life is careening out of control and I can't do anything about it.

Whatever the reason for the dream, it'll be one I'll remember for a long time.

Now for a little self-promotion: check out my BRAINSTORMING blog(link to the side) for the story inspired by such a disturbing dream.


Sarah Lambson said...

sometimes I really hate dreaming. They are either really creepy like the on you had, or so amazing and vivid that when you wake up you feel depressed that the dream isn't your real life.

Just wait till you start having Bob Evans stress dreams!

Peeser said...

the unnerving murders aside, there is a lot of interesting-dare i say- symbolism? in the dream with regards to the family- I think you and dad have hit on some possibly profound meaning here...
that being said, i have no idea what the murders have to do with anything- i've never been good at dream interpretation (maybe i need to take a class with Trelawney ;)
have you ever considered keeping a separate dream journal? my psychology teacher had us start one in high school, and i have kept one ever since- not so much so i can interpret them- it is just interesting to go back and read some of them (sometimes you can even find patterns or meaning). plus, i have found that writing can help siphon off the intense feelings of bad dreams, help you shake off those unnerving feelings of fear, even terror (e.g. have you ever dreamed your own death? that's a pretty freaky feeling...)

Julina said...

yeeee - I'm glad I don't dream *your* dreams...

And I'm glad you woke up before things got worse...

Steven said...

Okay, Steve's First Rule of Dreams: Mine don't make sense. I've had dreams both realistic (esp. about tornadoes and Russia) and weird (see one of my first blog posts about Chevy Chase and Soviet submarines), as well as funny (again, Chevy Chase and Commies) and disturbing (if you really want, I'll tell you some of the things I've seen, though they are awful to imagine).

I think the best thing about these things is that you can vividly describe them and remember them. If you don't, try writing what you can remember about your dreams every morning- you get some interesting elements.

And don't think too much on the whole "what if I'm next to be stabbed" thing, because you me...MUA-HA-HA-HA!

Okay, not really.

But seriously, my dreams make NO SENSE at all.

Jeanne, the mom and grandmom said...

Hmmmm - I hardly even remember my dreams. I feel kinda cheated.