Sunday, June 29, 2008

The Creepy Dream on the Night of June 1, 2008

Alright, so this is a dream that I had at the beginning of June and it was really disturbing to me. I'll go ahead and rewrite the journal entry I made the moment I woke from the dream at 1:00 in the morning(keep in mind, a lot of the sentencing is very incoherent since I began writing the MOMENT I woke up):
I first walked into a very fancy theatre, in England, and the first vivid detail was [me] standing there, waiting for the british guard to take their positions at the exits[it was a tradition of the theatre to play a march while they did this]. I was standing there with a bunch of girls, all chatting excitedly. We then take our seats and then I notice a blood curdling scream and a few girls rushing outside[into the hallway]. I look around and the only ones who've noticed were the girls[I was with]. I don't seem surprised, only scared. I move down to the front row of the theatre and sit next to a girl I know and tell her the musical was good(it had started). A lady taps me on the shoulder, I turn, and she tells me[in a thick cockney accent] a woman has been stabbed to death along with her baby. I rush to my mom[who miraculously turns up] and tell her and my dad[what happened], and they're sad but go to sit in their seats which aren't next to each other[what I didn't write that night was that I could see every one of my siblings, all in different parts of the theatre]. The musical continues but many people have left and I sit by my mom, terrified to be alone. I whisper to her asking if the police were here. She said yes[relief washed over me at that instant]. I thought for a sec, looked around and whispered[to her again], "What if I'm next?"
Okay, so I should specify where I was actually in the theatre when I was sitting with my mom. We were on the balcony(I was always there), and we were midway up and(if you were looking down onto the stage) on the left side. The strange thing was that where we were sitting was at a spot where one side of the section was filled with people and the other was empty of people. Mom was sitting on the edge of the full half and I was on the edge of the empty half. Follow me? Anyways, when I asked her if there were policemen and she said yes, I was relieved. And then I saw a shadow pass the exit that was almost directly to my right. The hall light was on and the exit door was open and there was a shadow as if someone walked passed the door. And thats when I asked "What if I'm next?"

So that is the dream, and you can understand WHY it was very disturbing to me. How can my mind create something so realistic and graphic? It kind of scares me sometimes that my mind has these emotions and images bottled up in my subconscious. If Sigmund Freud analyzed my mind at this very moment, he'd call me a sociopath! Okay, maybe NOT that far. But he'd diagnose me some happy pills or something.

I told dad the dream the next morning over breakfast and he had a good explanation as to why all my siblings were all over the place. For one, in the past week I'd had 2 of my sisters leave on the same day to different locations on the planet. Not to mention my siblings in Indiana, my sister in St.Louis, and my brother off in his own, new married life. The only people that I can make physical contact with on a daily basis are my parents, and not even my dad sometimes because of work and being a bishop and all. So the reason why I can communicate openly with mom is because in real life, she is RIGHT there, literally. And its interesting where all the siblings are placed.

Keep in mind, me and mom are on the balcony, far left:

Juli-very front of the balcony, far right.
Elise-next to her, on her left.
Emily(without Joe and Noah)-in the middle of the balcony section. Exact middle. Middle section, halfway up.
Beckie-I am aware of her position, though she is not visible: she is on the floor, in the back, so underneath the balcony.
Steven(without Tamara)-Very front of the left section
Sarah-On the floor, but visible. She's near the front, maybe 5 rows back. But I can see her.
Me and mom- Middle of the left section
Dad-In the VERY back of the middle section, falling asleep, though sort of awake during this.

So this is very accurate to real life. Juli and Elise are relatively close together, though too far for me to talk directly to them. Emily is closer, though not as close as Steven is(don't know why their families aren't included. Maybe because I'm thinking of them as themselves, not with their spouses and children). And then Beckie is completely out of sight because she's not even in the same country as I am. But I know how to reach her if necessary. Sarah is on the floor but I can see her, representing her distance from me physically but she's still in the country, making her visible and more attainable. And then dad, who would logically be near me and mom but isn't. Dad thinks that that representation is more an emotional level than physical, though physical is a factor. He is gone all the time for church and work, and emotionally he isn't as "in the know" as mom is. And maybe because he is a bishop makes me think he's at a higher spiritual level and doesn't worry about the things in the world. I don't know. He's the anomaly.

But the woman being murdered? Stabbed to death? And her baby? Obviously, this isn't the focal point of the dream, but it still unnerves me. Maybe thats the one thing that scares me: not being in control. Knowing that things have to play out(which was represented by my not being surprised to hear of her death) but still being frightened of them playing out. And maybe not wanting the inevitable to happen to me. Maybe I feel like my life is careening out of control and I can't do anything about it.

Whatever the reason for the dream, it'll be one I'll remember for a long time.

Now for a little self-promotion: check out my BRAINSTORMING blog(link to the side) for the story inspired by such a disturbing dream.

Thursday, June 26, 2008

Just for the record...

I've updated my BRAINSTORMING blog. Not story. Brainstorming. Yeah. Its long but I really wanted to get that idea out there. If you have time, please please please read it and comment/email me about the idea. I want to know if its worth brainstorming. Thanks!

What is up with the Tennis world?!

So, Wimbledon has started. And I had my heart set on Novak Djokovic to take the Grand Slam by storm. And guess what? He's out. Yeah. OUT! He got through the first round, but once he had to face Marat Safin in the second round, he choked. Straight sets. It was BAD! Ugh, I'm still cringing about it. He lost 4-6 6-7 2-6. How could he? He was doing so well! So now I have to support Federer since he's my only hope of stopping Nadal from winning Wimbledon. I guess I could blindly support and be optimistic about Lleyton Hewitt and Andy Roddick. Whats also upsetting is that Davydenko is out too. #3 and #4 seeds are out. So sad.

And the women's seeding is really messed up. Not that I'm complaining that Ivanovic is number one. I have been a fan of hers since she debuted on the main scene about a year ago. The Serbians have been taking over the tennis world(except for Nole currently. Man, second round? Really?). But making Jelena Jankovic #2 seed? She hasn't won a single grand slam. I would've done Maria as #2 and then Jelena as #3. But what do I know? I'm just an avid fan.

Anyways, Federer is still in, Roddick is too(he's playing at the moment), Nadal is still in, as is Hewitt, and James Blake is battling it out right now. Women's side the Williams sisters are in, so is Ivanovic, but Maria is playing at the moment and is down a set and its looking bleak. Man, Wimbledon isn't going to be that good this year.

Tuesday, June 24, 2008

Where does time go?!

Wow. I've been so busy the past month. Forgive me for not updating. So, what have I been doing? I've been finishing up school, going on vacation, attending camps and reunions, traveling, and doing all this while trying to stay sane. I know, impossible, right? So, let me update you a bit more in detail:

So, the rest of May was studying for finals and taking them. I'm pretty sure I did well on all of them. I got A's and the worst semester grade was a B+ in Math. YES! After that, I got a hair cut and began packing for Girls Camp, Arizona, and BYU. My hair is really cute! Check out my "myspace" styled picture I took.
Yep. Sorry it isn't better quality. I just don't have time to take good pictures anymore. That was the day of the haircut, and my hair has slightly grown out since. But its really short in the back(she used that buzzer thingy for the back of my neck. SCARY!). And I totally dig the bangs.

So yeah. Haircut. Then I went to Girls Camp the following Monday. I was a YCL(Youth Camp Leader) for the 4th years. I was only there for two days, but they were AWESOME days. My friend got some great pictures that I'll be more than happy to post when I have more time. But then I left early Wednesday morning so that I could leave for Arizona that afternoon with JoNoaEmily(Joe, Noah, and Emily). I was home for a total of 2 hours and then I was back on the road for 22 hours. It was a very scenic drive and I've decided that Arizona is an AMAZING place. Dry, but so beautiful. And we stayed at my cousins' cabin in a place called Strawberry. How cute?! Strawberry, Arizona. And the cabin was more of a mansion. It was huge and gorgeous. We were in Arizona for a family reunion in which I prepared a family slide show containing pictures of my grandparents and my aunts and uncles and their children and even their children. It took about 15-20 hours to put together but everyone loved it. I'm just glad I don't have to do it anymore.

After the reunion and chillin' with my mom's side of the family, JoNoaEmily, Mom, and I travelled 10 hours up to Provo, Utah so that I could attend the week long SummerFest Music Camp. I roomed in a dorm with Tamara and we proceeded to play more violin in one week than we've done in a month. I played a minimum of 3 hours a day. The Max was somewhere around 5-7 hours. Not entirely sure how long. Just a long time. Each night there was an activity and they were all very enjoyable. I had the opportunity to play in the first violin section of the Symphony Orchestra, play second violin in my chamber group, and sing soprano in the group choir. And when I wasn't doing any workshops I was practicing for all of those events. Man, I was a busy little bee that week. It was tiring, but oh so much fun. I've never appreciated music as much as I did that week. But I was happy when Saturday came and went and I was staying at my Grandma's for a day(P.S. I met my soul mate at the camp: his favorite movies are LOTR(all 3), favorite band is Coldplay, favorite ice cream is Butter pecan, favorite animal is a bear. Downsides: he's 22 and his favorite vacation spot is Boston).

Sunday we went to Grandma's church and then had a picnic with Dad's side of the family. I was so exhausted by then that I must admit I wasn't very sociable to my relatives. I feel guilty now, but at the time I couldn't care less. Then we went home, packed, and prepared for the drive the next day. Early Monday morning(5:00 to be exact) we left American Fork, Utah and headed to Columbia, Missouri. We traveled through the morning, into the afternoon, and all through the night. We arrived in Columbia early this morning at 2:00 am and JoNoaEmily arrived in St.Louis at around 4:00 in the morning. And now I'm here trying to get my life back together. I have to teach a lesson today and call my new work to tell them I'm back, and do other various things.

In all, it was a very exhausting month. I'm happy to say that I won't be going anywhere any time soon. Thank goodness. I'm all vacationed-out.

WARNING: All the posts from here on out will probably be related to Wimbledon. Sorry, tennis haters. But I gotta have my Tennis fix.