Saturday, November 3, 2007
My life is a Cosine Function. Why can't it be linear?!
So, the good feelings that existed the past week are gone. I'm going through a really aggravating time, particularly with my friends. I'm struggling to discover who I am and who are my friends and who I can trust. Currently, the results I'm coming up with are really depressing. Friends are dropping like flies and my self-confidence and self-esteem are suffering as I realize my lack of people I can truly call my friends.
The most aggravating: My so-called Best Friend. Slowly and surely, I'm beginning to realize that this friendship is coming to a close. If she can't figure out for herself what true friendship is, then I'm not going to exert myself to teach her. So I'm beginning to accept the fact that we might not ever be friends again. And, truthfully, I'm okay with that. My friendship with another friend is slowly strengthening into something that I hope will be long lasting. But I'm having difficulties trusting her friendship and taking the leaps necessary to gain her full trust. This situation with my other friend would have been the third one in the past 5 years involving a best friend. I can't go through it anymore. I'm sick of being played. I'm sick of being harshly pushed away. I'm wondering if something is truly wrong with me, and I just can't seem to keep friends. Why? I'm sick of it.
While my social life is suffering and struggling to get back on its feet, my school life is thriving spectacularly. My grades in my two hardest classes are at B+'s and I couldn't be more satisfied. My hard work is finally paying off. My performance in violin is also doing quite well and I'm working on getting a new tennis racket and private lessons. My other aspects of my life are doing amazing, so why can't my social life follow suit? Why couldn't my life be completely perfect? I guess this is a trial of my faith. At least I know I have my family and my Heavenly father to get me through this hard time. Just put on a happy face and pray that I'll survive it all.
So, everyone, put me in your prayers and leave me a message on my phone just to let me know that you care. It really does help. I love you all, and I promise that I won't do anything rash. I just hate being a teenager(as I'm sure you all did).