Friday, April 27, 2007

Guilt is not a good feeling

For the past few days I've felt an immense feeling of guilt. It started on Wednesday when I went down to go to track and checked the board to see who was running on Saturday's meet. I saw my name under 4 events: the 4x200, 200 dash, long jump, and 4x400. Once I saw that 4x400, I immediately grew angry and at the same time terrified. Why did Coach Neil put me in that again?! I went upstairs, abandoning my track clothes in my locker, and decided I'd talk to him. I was going to ask him why he put me in that relay again and see ifI could get out of it.

But the moment I went up to him, my mind blanked. And then a thought came into my mind: "Wasn't I supposed to go to St.Louis this weekend?!" I then proceeded to tell my coach that I wasn't going to make the meet. He just looked at me and asked for a reason. I gave him the reason that I was supposed to go to my sister's place on saturday and take pictures. Again, he looked at me and said these very words that still bring twinges of horrible guilt in my heart:

"You're killing me, Kirsten."

And with that, he asked if I was going to make practice. I actually wasn't intending to go to practice that day because it was a DRR(Distance Recovery Run), and I had a ton of homework. So I told him "no". Again, I felt so horrible that I wanted to hit myself in the stomach. He just looked at me with a piercing stare, but smiled and said he'd see me tomorrow.

I left the building feeling the worst I'd ever felt. Part of me actually believed that I couldn't make it. The other part was wishing that I hadn't mentioned it. That was the 2nd time in 2 days that a coach had said those words to me, and I didn't like the tone they had. It wasn't anger. It was disappointment. Both my coaches know that I am a strong runner on their JV team, and the fact that I won't be present for a crucial meet probably frustrates them.

So, I went home and told mom what had happened. And what came next made me feel even worse. She told me that I wasn't going to St.Louis this weekend. I felt so bad! Coach Neil would have to replace me in 3 running events, and he didn't even have to! This guilt was preventable. I then realized that I knew I wasn't going to St.Louis this weekend. I talked to my sister about it earlier about going on May 16th. I had the plan that I was going to tell Coach Neil the next day and see if I can be in at least 2 events.

But he wasn't there. It was Coach Johnson, and he's not the one who plans everything. From then on I knew that I was just going to have to miss out. I thought that coach Neil hated me. But today, he treated me just the same and was perfectly civil, even though I could tell that he wished I was in some of the relays. I did my work-out and went home, feeling a bit better that he wasn't absolutely resentful. In a way, I'm sort of glad that I told him I couldn't go. I have way too much homework this weekend that it would've been impossible to do that and the track meet.

I have one more meet before districts, which I'm not sure I'll actually be apart of, and I'm going to do my best at that meet. And I'm pretty sure I have nothing to do.

Wednesday, April 25, 2007

Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix Trailer!

This is the new and improved trailer with so much detail that it makes you want to cry:

This is the second trailer...almost identical, but with slight differences:

Both are so amazing! I can't wait! Anyone agree?

Tuesday, April 24, 2007

I'm a Copycat

I was looking at my sister Sarah's blog, and I saw that she did this music thing...and I want to do it too! I love doing them on myspace and places like that, but what better place to do it than on this blog?! goes:

Opening Credits: Soul by Rocco DeLuca and the Burden

Waking Up: Rooftops and Invitations by Dashboard Confessional

First Day of School: Here It Goes Again by OK Go

Falling In Love: Don't Wait by Dashboard Confessional

Fight Song: She Is by The Fray

Breaking Up: Bliss by Muse

Prom: 100 Years by Five For Fighting

Life's OK: Toss The Feathers by The Corrs

Mental Breakdown: Sewn by The Feeling

Driving: In My Place by Coldplay

Flashback: 21st Century Kid by Jamie Cullum

Getting Back Together: The Guide by Borne

Wedding: We Never Change by Coldplay

Birth of Child: X&Y by Coldplay

Final Battle: Sugar, We're Goin' Down by Fall Out Boy

Death Scene: Mamma Mia by ABBA (hahaha, how funny is that?!)

Funeral Song: Forgiven Not Forgotten by The Corrs

End Credits: Lil' Jack Slade by The Dixie Chicks

wow...some movie. I don't know why these things are so entertaining...they just are!

Anyways, I just finished doing my research paper and putting it on to, and all I've got to do is do some math review, finish my bio lab, participate in a track meet, play in Carmina Burana...and then explode from doing so many things! AHH!

The one thing that I really enjoyed today was working on Little Shop of Horrors for the Variety Show in a month. I'm one of the Ronnettes, and I'm so excited! Me and two other girls will be singing 3 of the songs from there. I'm also a soprano in the ensemble singing On My Own from Les Miserables. I'm doing other stuff, but those are the main parts. I can't wait until the Variety Show! YAY!

Gotta get changed for the track meet now. Poo.

Monday, April 23, 2007

San Antonio!

If you didn't know, I went to San Antonio this past week for my Orchestra trip. We went down to participate in the Heritage Festival, and we were one of 4 orchestras. So of course we won! 1st place, and other awards. But the festival wasn't even the best part. The Orchestra went to Sea World, The Hard Rock Cafe, The Riverwalk, The Alamo, The Missions, The Farmer's Market, Six Flags...everywhere! I took photos to document my journey, so I don't have to write a friggen long blog entry. Just feel the vibes from the pictures.
Laura eating some yummy chinese food.
Emma hiding her face.
Me posing in front of a fountain.The Alamo (I really loved this cannon).I was curious to see what was inside the oven at the Missions.Me and Laura outside the Hard Rock Cafe.SEA WORLD!Don't we blend in perfectly with the stands?"Shamu"Feeding dolphins. Squee!WE WON! Trophy picture with the seniors

It was a great vacation, and I have tons of hilarious memories from the whole thing. Some of them aren't as hilarious, like when this kid sitting near me threw up and for the next hour and a half I had to throw up as well. I held it in, though, because I was NOT going to have the memory of me throwing up on a bus. Gross! But the weather couldn't have been more perfect, and the hotel was so beautiful. Someday I'm going to live there, I swear.

Saturday, April 7, 2007

"New Shoes"

4th quarter has started, and I feel just like this song. The sound, the lyrics, everything. Its a brand new quarter and nothing is going to stop me from finishing my year with a bang. And thats what I'm going to do. After this, its summer. I associate thi school year with a track race. The 1st quarter is when I have my head down as I'm running and I'm beginning to feel how tough the competition is with tons of energy. The 2nd quarter is when I begin to straighten up and get comfortable in my settings. I also usually know the general competition and know if I stand a chance at making the top 3 spot. The 3rd quarter is the worst. This is when the excitement wears down and I'm thinking "when is this going to end? Shouldn't it be over by now?!" and my form is beginning to ebb away. I'm also beginning to doubt myself and if I'll be able to hold my lead. 4th quarter is really when I begin realize that this is it. If I don't grit my teeth and cross that finish line, then thats it. I gave up on myself. I gain a new spirit and determination, and on the occasion look behind myself, but only briefly before I push myself, sometimes flailing, over the finish line. When I do that, I feel good about myself, and even if I didn't do a Personal Best, I gave it my all. And thats what these "new shoes" are going to do for me. Its the 4th quarter, and its time to grit my teeth and not let the competition gaining on me make me lose hope. I'm going to win and conquer this race to the finish.

First week back...when is summer break?!

The first week back from Spring Break was absolutely long. Instead of it being the beginning of April, I wish it were the middle of May because thats how I feel. I had two track meets this week, and I was preparing for 2 Change-Over-Time papers, the hardest style. The first track meet didn't go so well. I PRed in my 100 meter dash, but I got 3rd. And then I totally screwed up my 4x100 relay and got my team disqualified. And the jumps weren't very good either. I just gave up my 200 meter dash and went home to mope.

My second meet went a ton better. I got 13'5" on my jumps, got 3rd in the fastest heat of the 100 meter dash with a 14.38 seconds. Not a PR, since I got 14.00 seconds at the meet on tuesday, but still really good, considering the temperature. And I won my 200 meter dash and PRed with a 30.66 second run. I felt really good after that.

As for the papers, I have one due on monday that I'm having difficulties with, and then my thesis for my research paper is due on Monday. Then we have MAP testing Tuesday and Wednesday. We had no warning of that, but no worries. Anyways, I think I oughta get back to my paper. I want to get it done by 5:00 tonight so that I can do my math and then maybe watch a movie and get to bed at a decent hour.

I can't wait until Blue Man Group next wednesday, and then a week after that is SAN ANTONIO! YAY! Sea World, here I come!